Everyone wants to be happy, even if they don't admit it openly. whether your dreams are about professional success, spritual fulfillment, or love, you covet this things because you believe that they will make you happier. the world, as you know it, is full of many factors that can hamper your your happiness, and in one way or another, there are a lot of improvements that you can make if you want to be happy. these days, everyone is drowning in so much information and rapid change, and it has became necessary to seek new strategies to help you stay happy. this resume spurs you to step back and consider your assumptions about how to become a happier person and whether it is possible. and it is your power to do it yourself.
This book has 12 topics about how to become happier in many sorts of way and We will discuss all of the topics shortly on this resume. this resume was created by Auzan El-ghiffari Su'ud and the book was was written by Sonja Lyubomirsky.
Everyone wants happiness, but it requires work — a lot more than the average
Over the years, many people have tried to answer questions that pertain to happiness: What are the meanings and mysteries of happiness, is it possible to acquire more of it, and can new happiness endure? These foundational questions are necessary if you want to understand what happiness means.
Every day, we are saddled with a lot of tasks — family, work, personal goals, and we try to do as much as we can with the hope that we will be happy. It gets to the point where we become so absorbed in these activities that we forget how to live and intentionally seek happiness.
Few people realize that by applying some practical strategies, you can enhance your brain and increase your chances of being happy. Happiness offers a myriad of rewards, not just for the person but for the people around you.
The science of happiness is more than just a fad. Striving to be happy is a serious, legitimate, and worthy aim. Results from research suggest that enjoying a real increase in your happiness is, in fact, attainable if you are prepared to do the work.
If you make a decision to be happier in life, and you understand that this is a weighty decision that will take effort, commitment, and a certain amount of discipline, know that you can make it happen.
This summary assembles and interprets the discoveries about how to become happier, using them as jumping – off points to teach skills that you can use to shift to a higher and sustainable level of well – being. It is about how to become a happier person, supplying you a road map – happiness increasing strategies — backed by the results of thousands of research participants.
So, if you are interested in becoming happier, exploring the scientific approach to happiness, and looking to improve your life generally, then this is your manual to a better experience. Keep reading to find out how you can live a more fulfilling life and influence others around you to do the same.
The key to happiness does not lie in your genes; it begins with changing what you do and how you think
People tend to look for happiness in the wrong places. They often look for the things that they believe would make a massive difference in their lives. According to scientific research, these things make only a little difference. So, while you think a relationship, more flexibility at work, and weight loss will make you happy, you’re overlooking the real sources of personal happiness and well – being.
National representative samples of US adults indicate that 54% are moderately mentally healthy but lack enthusiasm about life and are not actively engaged with the world. This explains why a wide range of people feel the desire to be happier.
In a study at the University of Pennsylvania, professor Martin Seligman taught a single happiness – enhancing strategy to severely depressed people. The exercise involved recalling and writing down three good things that happened every day. Within 15 days, their depression lifted from severely depressed to mildly or moderately depressed, and 94% of them experienced relief.
Happiness is an important goal, one that you have every right to pursue.
Lyubomirsky, Ken Sheldon, and David Schkade, in January 2001, sought to prove that lasting happiness was possible and identified the most critical factors that determine happiness:
Circumstances (10%):Your current situation is only 10% responsible for how happy you are at any time.
Set point (50%):Some people are born with a particular happiness set point that has its origin in genes. This governs how happy a person will be throughout their life.
Intentional activity (40%):Your behavior also influences your happiness. The key to happiness lies not in changing your genetic makeup or circumstances but in your daily intentional activities.
If you desire greater happiness, you need to devote time and commitment to search for it. Doing this involves making permanent changes that require effort and dedication every day of your life.
In becoming happier, we bolster our feelings of self – confidence and self – esteem; we come to believe that we are worthy human beings, deserving of respect
Compared with less happy people, happier people are more friendly, energetic, charitable, and cooperative. They have better relationships and perform better at their jobs. They also have stronger immune systems and are physically healthier than unhappy people.
Nobody is born with lasting happiness; it is your responsibility to keep creating it for yourself every day
Human happiness lies on a continuum — a numerical scale that ranges from very low to very high. Everyone fits somewhere on that scale, and it is critical to find out where that may be. Happiness is the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well – being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.
But over time, depression has become more prevalent for many reasons. The first reason is that people’s expectations about what life should be are higher than ever, and they become disappointed when reality does not come close to perfection
Secondly, the increasingly individualistic culture leaves everyone all alone to manage everyday stresses and problems. This compels them to blame only themselves for their failures.
Your mind is your biggest asset in your quest for happiness.
Other factors, such as job insecurity and less social support from the family, also contribute to the prevalence of depression. Depression requires you to see a mental health professional for help as soon as possible.
There are three major myths about happiness that also contribute to making you feel unsatisfied with yourself:
Happiness must be found:People believe that happiness must be found somewhere beyond human reach. This is wrong because if you are not happy today, you won’t be happy tomorrow unless you take action.
Happiness lies in changing your circumstances:This is wrong because the elements that can make you happy are with you right now and are waiting to be taken advantage of.
You either have it, or you don’t:Growing research demonstrates that you can overcome your genetic programming and focus on things that can make you happy.
As significant as major life events are to each person, studies suggest that they determine only a tiny %age of your happiness. So, whether you are young or old, or live in the most expensive house or a shared apartment, your chances of being happy and becoming happier are the same
One of the great obstacles to attaining happiness is that most of our beliefs about what will make us happy are in fact erroneous. Yet, they have been drummed into us, socialized by peers and families and role models.
Researchers studied the attitudes of 12000 first – year college students at elite colleges in 1976 when they were 18 years old on average and then measured their life satisfaction at 37. The results showed that those who had made money their primary goal were less satisfied with their lives. Materialism distracts people from relatively more meaningful and joyful aspects of their lives, such as nurturing relationships with family and enjoying the present.
Beauty is only skin – deep and cannot guarantee you lasting happiness
Just like material possessions, beauty does not make a person happier. The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery reports that more people are remaking their appearances every year. Most people report being satisfied with their post – surgery physical appearances but only for a short time. Beauty is not associated with happiness, and becoming objectively more beautiful will not make you happier, but coming to believe that you are beautiful without any external assistance is another thing entirely. Research suggests that this may be one of many happiness boosters.
Our intentional, effortful activities have a powerful effect on how happy we are, over and above our set points, and the circumstances in which we find ourselves.
Everyone is born with a happiness set point that is influenced by the environment. If you are born with a low set point for happiness, the genes coding for that set point will always be a part of you, but for them to be fully expressed, they must encounter the appropriate environment. One powerful environmental factor that can determine whether people who have a low set point for happiness succumb to depression is stress.
Stressful life experiences like being evicted from your apartment or losing a pregnancy can trigger depression in some people but not in others. This is so because depression is associated with a particular gene, called the 5 – HTTLPR. It comes in two forms, the long and the short. The short allele is undesirable to have because it rids the brain of a substance needed to fend off depressive symptoms.
Psychology professor Avshalom Caspi tracked the presence of this gene in a sample of 847 infants born in New Zealand and was able to identify that those who had this bad gene recorded more cases of depression. This led to the conclusion that stressful experiences led to depression only among those participants who carried the short allele of the 5 – HTTLPR gene.
Genes play an important role in depression as they do in happiness.
Research also shows that individuals who have the short allele of the 5 – HTTLPR gene but avoid stressful situations, have a supportive family, and engage psychotherapists may never experience depression. For genes to express or not express themselves, they need a particular environment. So, no matter your genetic predisposition, whether or not it is expressed is within your control.
You are unique in many ways; understand yourself and determine what methods are best for you
If 40% of your happiness is rooted in an intentional activity, you need to find the activities that can help you reach your desired level of well – being. In truth, there is no magic strategy to make you happier. Everyone has unique needs, interests, values, resources, and inclinations that predispose them to put effort into and benefit from some strategies than others.
By establishing which happiness strategies suit you best, you have won half the battle and are on your way to greater happiness.
But choosing the right activity can be a difficult task if you don’t use these methods:
Fit with the source of unhappiness:Each individual is unhappy for a unique set of reasons. While some cannot obtain much pleasure from daily activities, others are too traumatized from past experiences to join in social events. This means the pleasure – lacking individual may benefit from savoring events, the traumatized person from learning coping skills.
Fit with your strengths: Identify your strengths, talents, or goals that help you identify the different ways that you can derive happiness. For instance, an achievement – oriented person may do well at pursuing set goals or competitive sports as a way to boost happiness. In contrast, a creative person may choose to express gratitude through painting or writing.
Fit with lifestyle: Choose activities that can be adapted to your needs and lifestyle. For example, if your life is hectic, you don’t need additional activities that make it more hectic. You can tailor your happiness to fit your personality and way of life.
When you choose wisely, you will feel motivated to try a particular happiness activity, persist at it, and experience its rewards.
Aiming for greater happiness is no small endeavor; it requires effort and commitment, and selecting an appropriate activity to undertake increases the chances of success. On the other hand, if the wrong strategy is chosen, it is likely to fail, and you may give up altogether.
The more you focus on the positive aspect of a situation, the more solutions are visible to you
The expression of gratitude is the first important strategy for achieving happiness. Emerging research has drawn attention to its multiple benefits.
Consistently grateful people are relatively happier, more energetic, more hopeful, and experience more frequent positive emotions.
You can practice gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal; choose a time of day when you can reflect and write 3 to 5 things for which you are currently grateful.
Instead of writing, you could choose a fixed time simply to contemplate each of your objects of gratitude and reflect on why you are grateful.
Martin Seligman and his colleagues tested the benefits of expressing gratitude by investigating a gratitude visit exercise that was completed over one week. They also offered alternative happiness exercises. The participants who did gratitude visits showed the most significant boost in the entire study.
Another happiness activity to try is to cultivate optimism. Looking at the bright side helps you to make out the positive side of your situation. If you’re optimistic about the future, you will invest effort in reaching those goals.
You can practice optimism by keeping a diary where you write out your idea of your best possible self. This puts your optimism to practice. You can also identify your long – range goals and break them up into subgoals. Looking back at these goals can motivate you to work harder when pessimistic thoughts come.
Many people believe that when they feel down, they should try to focus inwardly and evaluate their feelings and situation to attain self – insight and find solutions that might ultimately relieve unhappiness. But numerous studies over the past two decades have shown that, on the contrary, overthinking ushers in a host of adverse consequences: it sustains sadness, fosters negatively biased thinking, saps motivation, and interferes with concentration and Initiative.
The third happiness activity is to avoid overthinking and social comparison.
In our lives, we can’t help noticing when other people are doing better than us. And these comparisons can be useful because they inspire you to strive for ambitious goals or to improve weaknesses. At other times social comparisons can make us feel better about our plight.
People who pay too much attention to social comparisons find themselves chronically vulnerable, threatened, and insecure.
If you find yourself constantly overthinking and comparing yourself to others, try to distract yourself when those thoughts come up and dodge overthinking triggers.
Your social connections are the best investments you can ever make
The importance of social connections to our health and well – being cannot be overemphasized. Investing in social relationships is a potent strategy on the path to becoming happier. An excellent way to improve your relationships is to practice kindness. Research conducted by Lyubomirsky showed that people who committed acts of kindness throughout the study experienced a significant elevation in their happiness. Still, this boost was reported only by those who showed a lot of generosity in a single day.
Evidence in this study suggested that optimal timing is critical for a happiness activity to be productive. If an activity is meant to enhance well – being, it needs to remain fresh and meaningful to you. You need to ensure this by selecting an activity that fits you.
The fourth happiness activity is practicing acts of kindness.
Being kind and generous leads you to perceive others positively and fosters a heightened sense of interdependence and cooperation in your social community.
Kind acts can also relieve guilt, distress, or discomfort over others’ difficulties, and encourages a sense of awareness and appreciation for your good fortune.
Your kindness leads other people to like and appreciate you. They will also reciprocate in your times of need and can help you satisfy a basic human need for connecting with others.
Relationships constitute the single most important factor responsible for the survival of homo sapiens.
When you show kindness to others, everyone ends up being happier. Happy people are exceptionally good at their friendships, families, and intimate relationships. The happier a person is, the more likely they are to have ample social support. If you begin to cultivate and improve your relationships, you will become happier.
The fifth happiness activity is nurturing social relationships.
In a study at Pennsylvania State University, students who hugged more people became much happier.
Hugging is an excellent, intimate booster that can relieve stress, diminish pain, and make you feel closer to someone.
Even if your relationships are already stable, there is always room to strengthen and enjoy it. Try to make time for others by creating opportunities for you to get together with your friends. Communicate as often as you can and offer support as much as possible.
There is no such thing as the perfect life; to live a fulfilling life, make the right choices
No life is without stress, adversity, or crisis. In the wake of challenges, many people become depressed, fearful, or confused. Some even have a long – lasting reaction to a trauma that they are unable to return to their usual selves for a long time. Becoming a happier person means rising above your happiness set point if a terrible event or problem has undermined that happiness baseline and is absorbing all your resources and attention; your priority is to cope.
Construing benefit in trauma involves seeing some value or gain (a silver lining if you must) in your loss or negative life event.
The sixth happiness activity is developing strategies for coping.
Coping is what people do to alleviate the stress caused by an adverse event or situation. It can be divided into two types: problem – focused and emotion – focused. Some people tend to cope by being problem – focused; they try to take the situation into their own hands, to act on it, resolve it somehow, and make a bad thing go away.
Emotion – focused coping comes to play when you are facing an uncontrollable situation. Some coping strategies involve behavioral and cognitive strategies, such as seeking emotional support from people close to you or involving yourself in pleasant activities.
Both coping styles are valuable, depending on the situation and the person.
An excellent way to cope with painful experiences, especially the ones that happened in the past is to forgive.
Forgiveness involves suppressing or mitigating one’s motivations for avoidance and revenge and replacing them with more positive or benevolent attitudes, feelings, and behaviors. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean the re – establishment of a relationship. You know you’ve forgiven someone when you experience a change in your feelings toward them such that your desire to do good instead of harming that person has increased. Forgiveness can deepen your sense of shared humanity, strengthen your relationships, and draw you closer to others.
The seventh happiness activity is learning to forgive.
To practice forgiveness effectively, you need to appreciate the times you have been forgiven in the past and also forgive yourself for the things that you blame yourself for. Also, write a letter of forgiveness to a person that has hurt you. You don’t have to send it; it is just a way to let go of your bitterness and anger.
Forgiveness is a habit that will help you live a happier life. It takes time, but it is worth it.
There is no time like the present — live in it and make exciting memories
Flow is a state of intense absorption and involvement with the present moment. Coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, flow means you are fully concentrating and unaware of yourself. When in flow, people report feeling strong and efficient and are at the peak of their abilities.
The eighth happiness activity is increasing flow experiences.
A happy life is characterized by flow, and the key to creating this flow is to establish a balance between skills and challenges. If the challenges of a situation overwhelm your level of skill, you will feel anxious, and on the other hand, if the activity is not challenging enough, you will become bored.
Once you train yourself to obtain flow in as many circumstances as possible, you will have a happier life.
Flow is good for you because it is inherently pleasurable, fulfilling, and rewarding. The experience of flow leads you to be more involved in life, to enjoy activities, to have a sense of control, and to feel a strong sense of self. All these factors fill life with meaning and lead to happiness.
What you notice and what you pay attention to is your experience; it is your life.
You can increase your flow experiences by controlling your attention and focusing on whatever task you are doing at any moment. Also, be open to new experiences by transforming routine tasks into something more stimulating. But be careful not to get too engrossed in an activity to the point that you miss out on other vital aspects of your life.
Theninth happiness activity is savoring life’s joys.
Your ability to savor positive experiences in life is one of the essential ingredients of happiness. You savor the past by reminiscing about the good old days. You savor the present by wholly living in, being mindful of, and relishing the present moment, and you appreciate the future by anticipating upcoming events. All these are elements of upcoming positive events.
Writing can help you describe a memorable experience or an exciting time in the present. Still, it also prompts you to systematically analyze an event by breaking it down into its parts and reducing the pleasure associated with it. It is even possible to evoke negative emotions such as guilt or worry when you savor through writing. Instead of doing this, reflect, relish, and share your experience with others.
Your priority should always be to discern which goals make you happy in the long run and not just accept what society imposes on you
In 1932, an Australian psychiatrist named W. Beran Wolfe concluded that people who strive for something significant are far happier than those who do not have big dreams or ambitions. It turns out that the process of working toward a goal, participating in a valued and challenging activity, is as important to well – being as its attainment.
When a person has no dreams, there is no sense of purpose. A valued activity gives you something to work for and look forward to.
Having meaningful goals improves self – esteem and reinforces happiness because it motivates you to keep striving.
The tenth happiness activity is committing to your goals.
Following your dreams is a critical ingredient of happiness, but the type of dream you pursue determines whether the pursuit will make you happy.
Consider these goals:
Intrinsic goals:These are goals that are personally involving and rewarding to you. Numerous studies show that people whose primary life goals are intrinsically rewarding are more satisfied with their lives.
Authentic goals:Goals that are rooted in your lifelong, deeply – held interests and core values are more likely to make you happier than the goals others set for you.
Approach goals:Consider a goal that you are currently pursuing. If this goal involves approaching a desirable outcome rather than avoiding it, then it is an approach goal. Growing studies prove that those who pursue approach goals are happier than those who go after avoidant goals.
Harmonious goals:Your goals should complement one another. Simultaneously striving for conflicting goals can make you discouraged.
Flexible goals:These are goals that allow you to express your changes in opinion or values. The older we get, the more changes we are prone to making.
Activity goal:Pursuing activity goals such as volunteering or joining a trip makes sure you continually experience new challenges.
The pursuit of goals that are intrinsic, authentic, approach – oriented, harmonious, activity – based, and flexible will deliver more happiness than goals that are extrinsic, inauthentic, avoidance – oriented, conflicting, circumstance – based, and rigid.
You must always review your goals to ensure that they are authentic and right for you. Once you are satisfied, be committed to achieving them by breaking them down into smaller subgoals and going after them one after the other.
Take the time to look inwards and care for your soul
A growing body of psychological science suggests that religious people are healthier and are better able to recover from traumas than nonreligious people. In one study, parents who had lost a baby to sudden infant death syndrome were interviewed three weeks after their loss and then again after eighteen months. Those who attended religious services frequently were better able to cope eighteen months after the loss. They reported more excellent social support and were able to find some meaning. Religious groups encourage positive, low – stress lifestyles by advocating moderation and by fostering a harmonious family life. This explains why they are healthier, happier, and more satisfied with their lives.
The eleventh happiness activity is practicing religion and spirituality.
People who attend religious services regularly have more extensive social networks and receive tangible help from their religious groups.
By praying, seeking meaning and purpose, and finding the sacred in ordinary life, you can practice religion better.
Twelfth happiness activity(i): Taking care of your body (meditation).
Meditation is a great way to connect to your inner self and experience happiness. It comprises a family of techniques that encourage the cultivation of attention. It is a very personal experience and may be performed in many different ways. Still, experts advise that to get the best results during meditation, you should be non – judgemental, patient, trusting, and open.
An essential path to finding meaning in life is to work on developing your faith.
Researchers who study the bodies of people during meditation have confirmed that mediators gain not only a profound state of rest and a heightened state of awareness and alertness. They also showed a stronger immune response to the influenza vaccine and greater increases in their left – right brain asymmetry.
Apart from meditation, you can also take care of your body by participating in physical activities. Physical activity reduces stress and anxiety, reduces the risk of many diseases, builds bones, muscles, and joints, increases the quality of life, sleep, and helps control weight.
Twelfth happiness activity (ii): Acting like a happy person.
Sometimes, even when you engage in all the happiness activities, you may not experience happiness until you pretend to be happy. Pretending that you’re happy can earn you some of the benefits of happiness and make you happier. Studies show that simply taking on the facial expressions and postures of happiness can go a long way to make you experience joy.
Sustainable happiness is possible when you are armed with information and readiness to keep trying
It is relatively easy to become happier for a short duration. The challenge lies in sustaining the new level of happiness. A sustainable increase in your level of happiness can be attained if you abide by the five keys to sustainable well – being:
Positive emotion:Many positive emotions such as joy, delight, serenity, and enthusiasm are the hallmark of happiness. Although all humans endure negative emotions, happy people experience positive states more frequently than unhappy people. If you suddenly experience a financial failure, you could be much happier if you did something such as exercise or connect with your family. If you are currently receiving treatment for depression, the combination of the treatment and use of happiness – increasing strategies will improve your mood.
A continuous and perfect state of bliss is not only impossible to achieve but also maladaptive.
Optimal timing and variety:Knowing what to do is important, but so is knowing when to do it. Through self – experimentation, you can determine the right time for each happiness – enhancing activity. By varying the activities that make you happy, you also maximize their impacts. Rigid routines are boring to follow; be sure to put in the effort to make them as interesting as possible.
Social support:Relationships form a major part of most humans. The success of a happiness activity depends largely on how supportive your loved ones are. Having others around can help you cope if you are suffering a breakup, chronic illness, or financial misfortune.
Motivation, effort, and commitment:Committed and dedicated effort is another vital key to a successful happiness – increasing program. When it comes to achieving greater happiness, you must resolve to learn new things and put effort into committing to the goal.
Habit:Effort is important at the beginning, but with time, your new behaviors become habitual through repetition. Your goal is to turn positive thinking and behavior strategies into habits as this will help you get through the difficult moments.
Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of fortune that happen but seldom.
In the past, you may have been trapped in the tunnel of your unhappy inheritance, pessimistic thoughts, or maladaptive habits; the five steps mentioned above will help you make the change that you direly need for a happy life.
Conclusion
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
Happiness does not happen by the stroke of luck or a knock of good fortune. It requires consistent and honest effort. It can be anything you want it to be; understanding this will help you pursue it more fervently. Activities such as looking on the bright side, savoring the moment, practicing forgiveness, and striving for essential life goals make a difference in your happiness; it is always a good idea to make a habit. It may be difficult at first, especially when you are around people that are always happy, but it is not impossible.
With time and determination, you can develop the same habits for yourself. You will find that following the 12 happiness activities and the 5 steps to making these activities work for you, will open your mind to the freedom that comes with happiness.
Everyone deserves to be happy, and even if you’re depressed, you can get better once you seek help and intentionally begin the journey to finding happiness. This happiness program is not meant to replace established treatments such as cognitive – behavioral therapy and antidepressant medication. It can only act as a strong complement, which can help you feel better sooner.
Meditating, expressing gratitude, and pursuing significant life goals can make you a happy person only when you tailor them to your lifestyle and personality.
So, even when you try to practice these activities, understand that it is not a one – size – fits – all strategy. You need to take the time to find out which ones work for you. It is never too late to begin to be happier, never too late to try.
Try this
Write down three to five things that you are grateful for and notice how much positivity you experience. Also, make a list of your goals with actionable small steps and begin to work on them.
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